“Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas.”
How many decisions do you think you make in a day? From deciding what to wear, eat, watch, driving routes, to determining whether it's time to put your home up for sale or change careers, the decisions we make may vary significantly in scope and complexity. It is estimated that the average adult can meet as many as 35,000 decisions in a day, over 200 of those around food choices alone[1]!
Of course, not all decisions require the same degree of acumen, nor are implications for those decisions equal. We may not even question our decisions unless they lead to undesirable outcomes that we didn't bargain for. To be honest, I'm still carrying the consequences for some of my past choices involving chocolate.
From time to time, we face decisions that are incredibly difficult to make. At the top of the difficult-decisions pyramid sits the toughest one of all: a dilemma. Dilemmas refer to decisions that must be made where choices available are equally unappealing or may solve one problem while creating another. There is seldom a clear choice with dilemmas, and all options, even inaction, carry the potential for loss. Dilemmas can be a struggle between our hearts and minds or merely a predicament of circumstances. The saying "on the horns of a dilemma" refers to the possibility of being impaled by either unpleasant choice. That's a pretty accurate metaphor.
Whether they've been business, social, moral or ethical, we've all faced dilemmas, and I would muster a guess that we are facing more dilemmas in 2020 than ever before. Some potential dilemmas that we may be dealing with:
Should we terminate people for performance-related issues during a global pandemic or hold off as long as possible?
Do we attempt large-scale organizational change now or play it safe and ride out these turbulent times?
Do we confront someone in a position of authority for insensitive language or stay silent?
Should we follow public health guidelines as closely as possible, or do we leave some wiggle room to hold on to some semblance of our former lives?
Protect the economy or public health?
And the list goes on.
2020 dilemmas may be uniquely different, wrapped in profound complexity, doused with intense emotions and sprinkled with the levels of exhaustion unique to our experiences in a pandemic.
While there are no easy answers to handling a dilemma's horns, there are two elements that may help in dealing with complex problems. The first element is being aware of how our brain processes decisions. For many decades, researchers have studied the cognitive factors involved in decision-making and have identified numerous mental shortcuts unconsciously used. Known as heuristics, these shortcuts help us process situations and quickly solve problems. Left unchecked, it can show up as cognitive biases that can hinder rather than help us make smart decisions. It is estimated that there are over 100 biases (sometimes known as effects, traps, fallacies or cognitive errors) that can distort our decision-making. Each bias can derail good judgment, rational thinking, and our ability to make sound decisions, which are all fundamental when trying to make the best decisions.
Decision-making experts suggest using checklists to de-bias our thoughts. There are numerous frameworks available to detect and challenge heuristics that can cause potential blind spots. However, as researchers Daniel Kahneman, Dan Lovallo and Olivier Sibony [2] point out, awareness of our biases alone is not enough to eliminate them because we aren't very good at recognizing or confronting our own flaws.
This brings us to the second element. Research has shown that by including others in the decision-making process, it can challenge thinking and illuminate potential distortions. However, while we may be good at bringing others into the decision-making fold, it is often to get their perspective, ask advice or seek guidance. In other words, we turn to others hoping that they may have an answer that we don't have.
Rather than advice-seeking, involving someone who can ask open-ended questions evokes a more in-depth and thorough exploration of an issue, identifies potential bias, and empowers us to make better-informed decisions. Some examples of questions that could be asked:
What would admitting to a past error mean for your decision now?
What would someone with an alternative view advise you to do?
What other information would you need to help make a better decision?
What would be the worst-case scenario? What would be worse than that?
What decision would best reflect good character?
Being asked powerful open-ended questions can shine a light on our beliefs and cognitive biases that shape our world view, and ultimately, our decision-making. Professional coaching is grounded in the belief that asking open-ended questions empowers us to self-reflect, reframe and create actionable steps towards solutions. This 'asking versus telling' approach has been shown to lead to greater self-awareness, big-picture thinking, self-efficacy, positive behaviour changes, and greater clarity on issues[3].
Of course, we may not always have the luxury of deep contemplation before making a decision. Sometimes decisions must be made quickly and with little information. Sometimes we have to go with what our gut tells us because that's all we have at the moment. But we may encounter situations that allow us to press pause before making a choice. The next time a dilemma arises, take a moment to ask yourself who you could recruit to ask thought-provoking questions that may lead you to view the issue differently.
Dealing with a dilemma means choosing a path forward that may seem uncertain and agonizing. Partnering with someone who will listen and formulate powerful open-ended questions, rather than offering advice, can help you tackle difficult decisions and make those horns feel a lot less sharp.
- Michelle W.
[1] Wansink, B., & Sobal, J. (2007). Mindless Eating: The 200 Daily Food Decisions We Overlook. Environment and Behavior, 39(1), 106–123. https://doi.org/10.1177/0013916506295573
[2] Kahneman D., Lovallo D., & Sibony, O. (2013) Before You Make That Big Decision. On Making Smart Decisions. Harvard Business Review. Boston, Massachusetts
[3] Moen, F., & Federici, R. A. (2012). The effect from external executive coaching. Coaching: An International Journal of Theory, Research and Practice, 5(2), 113-131. doi:10.1080/17521882.2012.708355